brains and luck

i've realized that people live life with either their brains or with life.

for those who live with brains, they are those smart asses in class, those who know everything. they are intelligent, and they can make decision. smart in all aspects. intelligent fella who knows how to make decisions.

for those who live with luck, they are those who don't know what to do. they are sort of lost... clueless. they just live the day, and are being lucky that they got through everything during the day. exams passed with the help of luck. questions answered with luck. decisions made with the help of luck.

i'm belong to the latter group. i don't know anything. i have no aim. i sit for exam with pure luck. everytime i study, i feel that i didn't absorb anything at all. i never skip class. i attend all classes. but at the end of the day, i'm still not smart. i am a lucky person i'd say. i'm thankful luck had been helping me all these while.

but how long can i live my life with luck and only luck? if luck isn't at my side when i make a critical decision, there goes my life down the drain. what will happen if lady luck isn't smiling at me at the time i need it most? i want to live with brains. but i can't. it's lucky for me to get this far in my studies. if you were to ask me about my previous subjects, i can't answer you. if you ask me how to decide, i won't know. if you ask me to lead, i'll run away. it's pretty shitty to live like this. but i have no choice.

brains, luck. both are two totally different things. i wish, i hope, i pray that i can have both. but life is always cruel. i can't have the best of both world. i have to stick with luck for now until i am good at something. until i am really good at something.

i will be proud if i live life with brains. i want to be those who can lead a meaningful life. i want to me a knowledgeable person. i want to be intelligent. all i can do is try, try, and try harder.

absence

it has been a long long time since i last logged in. studies, assignments, holidays, they all prevented me from logging in. well since now i have the chance, i'll make full use of the time :)

first thing first, studies. been getting on pretty ok i guess. but i am still procrastinating alot. procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday ;p sounds nice isn't it? things have been fine for me coz i haven't have any major tests since a month ago. i hope it will continue being fine! :)

holidays... it was nice. i thought i would have had the time to finish reading a story book, but no, i was very wrong indeed. it was the chinese new year holidays so things were pretty rush! only a week's holiday is surely not enough to celebrate the new year! remember that 10 years back, chinese new year and the year end break was together, so we had more time to do everything, from spring cleaning until the last major event in our house, the 8th night of the lunar new year. but no, not this time. i haven't even felt the new year mood and i am already back here. the first thing i did when i got home was clean, clean clean and more cleaning until the reunion dinner, then the reunion lunch at my mom's hometown, then another dinner at my uncle's place, and lastly one more dinner at my place. man it was busy, and tiring of course, rushing for all those things. but it was nice. at least nothing bad for me ;) but one thing i missed is the 8th night thingy. i was already back here at that time. that's what i say about short holidays!

all in all, the holidays were nice... it was nice to see everyone back home... it's nice to have the family environment (which i seldom feel here) and it's nice to be back to the place i feel safest - my home.

oh yea, before i forget, happy chinese new year to all! :)